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Take These 4 Steps to Move On From People Pleasing and Perfectionism

Do you even know what you need?

If you’ve lived a life of pleasing people or merely putting everyone else's needs before yours, you may not even know where to begin with how to get your own needs met.

Below are 4 steps that I used as I moved from my people-pleasing, perfectionist tendencies toward a heart-centered guide and trusting my own wisdom.

Step 1: Identify Your Needs

When you pause to take time to identify your own needs, you can actually work toward meeting those needs.

Many of us have yet to define our own needs independent from the needs or expectations of our families, our careers, our religions, our communities, and beyond.

Knowing what you need and want at any given moment is the first step. So take a moment and ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” or “What is it that I really want?”

Start with something simple like choosing what to eat or how to spend your lunch break, and then move on to more complex choices from there.

Step 2: Prioritize Your Needs

The next step after you are able to identify your needs is to prioritize them. I’ll admit this was a hard one for me. I thought if I prioritized my needs, it would be to the detriment of others.

But what I found was that when I met my own needs first, I had so much more capacity to give to others and to help meet their needs.

Again, start with something small, even something as simple as grabbing a drink or water or using the restroom before you move on to your next task. Notice how meeting your needs first impacts everything else that is on your plate.

Step 3: Communicate Your Needs

This was another tricky one for me. Somehow, I thought that the people who love me should know what I need at any given moment. I would often get upset if my uncommunicated need was unmet.

So here’s the thing: Even those who love us and know us best cannot always know what we need– especially if we don't even know what we need ourselves. Once you have identified your needs, and are ready to prioritize them, ask for support.

I found that asking for a few moments to think before I respond to a question has transformed the way that I interact with my family and has helped build my confidence as a professional. What is one thing you could ask for support with today?

Step 4: Be Flexible and Allow Your Needs to Change and Grow (Like You Do!)

As human beings, we are always growing, learning, and changing. As we go through life our needs change.

So consider this step as a reminder to go through steps 1-3 on a regular basis, and notice what changes and what stays the same.

Give yourself permission to allow a shift in your needs, wants and desires, continue to prioritize your needs and don't forget to communicate your needs, especially as they develop.

The steps I outlined above are not complicated, but they can be challenging to begin on your own.

The good news is you don't have to do this alone.

As a coach, my job is to help and guide you through this process. We work together until you feel ready to do it on your own.

Ready to flourish beyond your wildest dreams?


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