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How I Choose Connection Over Perfection

It’s May and finally feels like spring in the Pacific Northwest. May is also my birthday month!

For many years, I’ve scheduled yearly health checks in May, and I just had my first colonoscopy (did you know the new initial screening age is 45?).

Beyond ensuring that I’m in good physical health, I take intentional time in May to connect and reconnect with the core of who I am. Every year I learn more about who I am, what is important to me, and what elements I need to thrive.

I invite you to join me on this journey, explore ways to connect to your roots, discover what’s most important to you, and gain clarity about what allows you to thrive!

Lessons From The Past Year: Connection Over Perfection

This past year I’ve been fully engaged in the process of releasing what no longer is serving me and connecting to my authentic self. I’ve noticed that I have some very tightly held beliefs about what I "should or should not" be doing, all driven by my perfectionist tendencies.

What I learned is that often my feelings of obligation, my drive for control and my exhaustive striving for the ever elusive perfection actually disconnect me from my roots, natural intelligence, inner wisdom, and what I value most.

My new favorite reminder to myself is “connection over perfection”. I’m practicing choosing actions and thoughts that support connection rather than perfection, but let me assure you, it is a process.

What Happens When Perfection Is The Guide

When we rely on this critical inner dialogue and desire to conform to outside expectations (AKA perfection) to be our guide and motivator, not only do we disconnect from our roots, but we begin to feel dissatisfied, frustrated, irritable, and even like we’re out of our minds!

Often, we even have a hard time finding joy in the things and people we love. I can say with all honesty that I’ve felt all of this. It felt like an inescapable cycle; the harder I tried to control things, the worse I felt.

To add another layer of disconnection and confusion, when we exercise control and conform to outside expectations, we get external positive reinforcement for that behavior and are deemed successful, productive, well balanced.

If your behaviors and actions are not aligned with your inner wisdom, the external affirmations feel empty and drain your emotional and mental well-being. Yet you may continue to seek external approval, hoping that it will one day fill the void within. Next thing you know, you can become trapped in this negative cycle that is set up to serve and preserve itself, not you!

Many of us spend so much of our time and energy controlling ourselves, our needs, our desires, and our passions, striving to be “perfect,” and have become so disconnected from our roots that we don’t even know what we need to grow or adapt to changing seasons and the challenges of life.

So, how do we reconnect with our roots and the core of who we are?

I’m often inspired by nature and the natural cycle of the seasons to find inspiration and guidance when I feel like I’m at a crossroads or need to make a choice.

As I’m writing this, I’m looking at my thriving seed starts for my garden. The seeds have everything within themselves they need to sprout, bloom and thrive. There is no need to control a seed to make it grow; simply provide the right environment, soil, sun, and water and then use its natural instincts to put down roots, sprout and flourish.

I believe humans are like seeds.

We have the wisdom and resources within ourselves that we need to grow and thrive when we have a nurturing environment to listen to and explore our inner wisdom.

I’m sharing three profound ways that I have reconnected with my roots and inner wisdom over this past year. Perhaps you will read something that resonates with you or will inspire you to reconnect with your roots.

3 Ways To Connect With Your Roots And Inner Wisdom

  1. Ask yourself a new question. Instead of asking myself, “What do I need to do right now?” I’ve shifted my question to, “What do I need right now?” This has given me the space to acknowledge my own needs and allows me to refuel when I am running on low energy. Maybe the answer to both questions is the same at times, but this question brings a new perspective and allows me to engage in the task from a place of personal integrity versus discipline. What question could ask yourself that would allow you to tap into your intuition and initiate wisdom?

  2. Seek and openly receive support. I am a fiercely independent person. Although I love to offer support to those in need I have a hard time accepting it myself. This year, as my body shifted into menopause I suffered from hormonal and emotional imbalance. I resisted seeking support for countless reasons that were based in societal judgment and my own inner critic. I thought I could power through like I had done so many times in the past. But that wasn’t working. When I gave myself the space to tap into my heart's wisdom and connect with my authentic self by asking the question, “ What do I need right now?” HELP was the resounding answer. I reached out to my doctor and worked with her to find a combination of daily habits, herbal supplements and medications that would help me move through this transition. I truly experienced the positive impact of connecting with my core needs and asking for help. My mental and emotional well being has drastically improved and now I have a practice of seeking support more regularly. Is there an area in your life that you are resisting seeking support? I encourage you to explore your core needs and ask for help.

  3. Consider connecting vs. perfecting What does this truly look like? Here is a recent example from my own life. When I hosted a Passover Seder for 18 friends, I focused on what would make people most comfortable and encourage conversation and connection, rather than focusing on if the house was “spick and span” clean and if the table was set to Sunset Magazine standards. It was a beautiful evening despite mismatched plates and a wrinkled tablecloth! Where are places in your life that you could release perfection and move toward building more connections?

Ready to connect with your inner wisdom?

If you’re feeling stuck or would like support as you embark upon your journey of exploring ways to connect to your roots, discovering what’s most important to you and gaining clarity about what allows you to thrive, then reach out– I am here for you.

As a coach, I will walk by your side and guide you as you begin to engage in this process yourself.

Join my monthly newsletter by scrolling down my home page to get next month's blog post in your inbox. I’ll share about distinguishing between integrity and discipline and how one connects us to what is most important (and the other serves to disconnect us).


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